#30YearsRolling – Day 3/30 – Reflections on the 30th anniversary of my injury
Following the 8 weeks on bed rest was a very gradual process of starting to sit up.
The next step was getting put into a wheelchair with a high back that reclined.
I had to wear a tight binder around my stomach to help slow the blood rushing away from my head so that I wouldn’t faint from my blood pressure dropping so quickly.
I felt sick a lot of the time.
It was heartbreaking being put into a wheelchair, knowing that would be forever.
I wasn’t ready for that.
As I was getting used to sitting upright again I was also slowly getting some sensation and movement back into my arms and legs.
I’d been told that it could take up to 2 years for what function that was going to return to return.
This was exciting at first, feeling like there was some hope but the nerve pain as the sensation and function were returning was excruciating.
Even someone lightly brushing their hand close to my arm but not actually touching it caused unbearable pain.
What was worse than the physical pain though were the feelings of loneliness, isolation and feeling trapped.
While I was never physically alone, I’d never felt more alone.
And it was never completely quiet which strangely magnified those feelings.
Being in the Children’s Ward no one really stayed long so the room of 4 I was in was a revolving door of faces, only a few staying long enough to get to know them.
The only people I had the chance to get to know were the nurses, hospital staff and therapists.
I had family and friends visit but hearing their updates from home made me feel even more alone.
The stint in hospital was a long one.
7 months in total.
Usually someone with an injury like mine would spend 2-3 months in hospital then go to a rehab centre for intensive therapy.
Being only 12 years old at the time the doctors thought it wouldn’t be psychologically healthy for me to do this as it was an adult facility, there were no specialist facilities for children at the time.
Not getting the specialist rehab I physically meant when I ended up leaving hospital in July 1991 I couldn’t dress myself, I couldn’t go to the bathroom without help and I could barely push my wheelchair even on a flat surface.
A few days after being discharged from hospital I started high school, at a school far from home where I didn’t know a single soul.
As if things hadn’t been hard enough already.
The song that best sums up this period of time is “Down In A Hole” by Alice In Chains.
#rebirthday #ToMyYoungerSelf #resiliencerocks
Stacey Copas, Author of “How To Be Resilient”, helps shift the way people perceive and respond to uncertainty, change and adversity, helping them to see opportunities where they once saw only obstacles.
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